1. The Sorting Hat is no longer used at Hogwarts; students are sorted based on how long it takes them to cry in the presence of Neville Longbottom.
2. When Harry and Ginny's children were conceived, Ginny was thinking of Neville. So was Harry.
3. Voldemort didn't light the Sorting Hat on fire; the Sorting Hat combusted because it touched Neville Longbottom.
4. Bellatrix never actually tortured Neville's parents. She just threatened to kill their son and they laughed themselves into insanity.
5. Neville Longbottom doesn't bow to hippogriffs. Hippogriffs bow to Neville Longbottom.
6. Thestrals can only see Neville Longbottom if they've witnessed someone dying.
7. Neville needs a remembrall not because he has a poor memory, but merely because he accomplishes too much to remember.
8. Merlin got an Order of Neville, Third Class.
9. When Severus Snape looks into Neville Longbottom's mind, he only sees a sword coming at his neck.
10. When Neville Longbottom golfs, he uses a snake for the ball, and a sword for the club.
11. Hogwarts no longer teaches Defense Against the Dark Arts, they just hand out Neville Longbottom masks.
12. Before Neville punched it, it was known as Horizont Alley.
13. When Neville uses the knight bus, he calls himself Harry Potter to avoid all the attention.
14. Most people can slam doors. Neville can slam Floo powder.
15. When Draco Malfoy found out he was worth a whole 12th of Neville Longbottom, he cried for joy.
16. The wizard prison was originally named after Neville - it used to be Bad-Asskaban.
17. Voldemort and the Death Eaters were actually created in the Room of Requirement. Neville walked passed it 3 times thinking he needed some opponents who were not laughably pathetic in comparison to him. Some things, not even magic can do.
18. Neville was dueling with Voldemort when a wizard asked, "who's that fighting Neville?"
19. To access the Marauder's Map, all Neville has to say is "I'm Neville Longbottom
20. Professor Quirrel didn't have to fake his stammer in Neville's presence.
21. If someone replaced the Mirror of Erised with a picture of Neville Longbottom, no one would notice.
22. JK Rowling originally wanted to write the books from Neville's point of view. Attempting this caused her permanent brain damage.
23. Voldemort can't really fly. He can only fall after Neville kicks him.
24. When Neville is in a duel, he doesn't need to use Expelliarmus; he just walks up and takes his opponent's wand.
25. Snape didn't convert to the Order of the Phoenix for love of Lily. He heard about the birth of Neville and knew it was only a matter of time.
26. Draco's hairline isn't receding, it's actually running away from Neville.
These are courtesy of fuckyeahneville.tumblr.com/
- Eating: Christmas candeh
- Drinking: Lots of water
DON'T YOU DARE TURN NEVILLE INTO CHUCK NORRIS 2.0 ON ME!!! ONE IS WAY MORE THAN ENOUGH!!!
T'wasn't me who wrote them!
...Tis not impressed regardless.